I Can Explain That: Sex Positive



Every now and again I see a post on the internet that is definitely sex positive. No, I’m not trolling pornographic forums (as much).

Sex Positive, if you don’t know, is defined on wiki as “an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation.” To make it simple, I hear sex ain’t that bad.

So just hearing that you might say, “well I’m sex positive,” but is that true? Sex Positive is often seen as the opposite of Sex Negative, which our culture often is. When we look at the sexually charged world around us, it is still definitely a world that says ‘shun those having sex, and the less you see sex the better’.

Up until a few years ago, I would say I was a prude. I didn’t really talk about sex related content, I didn’t want to hear about sex stuff. Sure, I had the internet, I saw sex everywhere I looked, but it wasn’t conversation to have with other people. I lived in a world where the only venue to talk about sex was the piggish humor we expect of frat boys on a FOX network sitcom. If you aren’t talking about boning a girl because she is simply attractive, or insinuating that someone’s mother was sucking on your boy dong, what is there to talk about?

A lot, it turns out. Sex Positive is that gateway that says, ‘oh wait, people have sex all the time… like seriously, there are probably a bunch of people being boned within a mile of me at any moment.’ So what are we so afraid of? Why do we, and by we I usually mean moms (but that is unfair), shiver in fear at the idea of someone talking about sex?

Is it to protect the children? Screw children! No that isn’t an endorsement of Catholicism, I mean we can’t shut the world down because kids might see something. That isn’t protection, that is ignorance. All it leads to is a bunch of children so confused when they do find pornography that they can’t even understand their own bodies. We raise hordes of sexually repressed and shamed children, especially young women, and it isn’t healthy for anybody.

We know what being Sex Negative does, it leads to teen pregnancy from ignorance of how sex works, or fear of packing contraception. It leads to fear of human anatomy. It can lead to a boring and unsatisfying sex life. It can lead to rape.

Sex Positive is the chance to know that not only does your body have this awesome capacity for good feels, you are probably going to use it. So go ahead, put on some Barry White, take your good hand out on a date. Learn what quality sex is, find out what you enjoy, and then be open enough to find out that someone isn’t good for you before you’re 3 kids into the deal and realize that some people have this thing called an ‘orgasm’.

I’ve wanted to be more ‘Sex Positive’ in my life. That is, be more open when talking about sex, refuse to shame sexual acts simply because I wouldn’t do them, speak the facts about the human body. It isn’t easy, I mean, I was a total prude. The internet has definitely helped.

I get to read web comics that take a serious look at reviewing sex toys.

The local newspaper includes captain sex positive himself, Dan Savage of Savage Love.

It seems like the whole world has realized that we don’t have to hide our dicks in a box.

Well, not the whole world, but it is never that easy. I see the Sex Positive Movement as an ally to secularism, because religion is often at the forefront of Sex Negative activity. When you see the world as pure virgins who must keep themselves safe from the devilry that is sex, there is no room for an open conversation about safe sexual exploration. Some religions fear that maybe someone will have sex before they have had the chance to stamp it with their divine approval.

Why is that? Well science says it is ‘divine’ law meant to facilitate¬†patrilineal societies. If we don’t let women know about sex until their husband ‘takes’ them on their wedding night, we have one more guarantee that she only has kids from one father. If she decides to experiment before her wedding day, we can stone her to death. Can’t get more Sex Negative than stoned to death (unless you start getting into female circumcision, but I’ll spare you).

Sex Positive, making life better for men, women, and everyone in between. What isn’t to like?

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